SERIOUSLY?

So many people say they hate stupid people…. yet they keep popping up everywhere you go. Either somebody is lying or the people saying it are stupid people themselves and just don’t know it.

This is a rant.

I haven’t had one of these in quite a while, but there’s a limit to everything.

If you don’t read, don’t speak to me.

I’m not interested in saying out loud those thing which I’ve already written. That was the point of me taking on the task of selecting specific words and crafting sentences, editing and submitting the information for you to receive. If you skim and answer, you are of no use to me whatsoever and your presence is neither welcomed or desired.

Word are my life. I very rarely “try to say”. unless put in a a predicament in which my family’s reputation in the community in on the line. I say what I mean, and I’m never in a mood to argue. It wastes time, mostly because I don’t disseminate information without a point of reference. I’m a creator not a consumer, so you can’t sell me on much.

I value my time above all my worldly possessions. It’s because of this that I don’t do things that lots of people do. Yes I blog, but I don’t post daily because nobody really has something new to say daily.

What takes me all the way to bed is when I’ve taken the time to create something only to have it revised up and back to come back to what I said in the first place.

Something has got to give!

 

“Ditch The Dream”: Shonda Rhimes Keeps It Real In Her Dartmouth Commencement Speech [VIDEO]

All these years I’ve been a Doer, calling myself a dreamer.
Enjoy this.

What’s your Objective? Change your Perspective!

The energy that is spent getting mad could be spent getting ahead. I notice that people talk about “haters” and every other name that could fall in that group quite frequently.  I’ve always been confused on what it takes to hate on someone because I don’t fall in love with or sincerely dislike anyone to the extent that it changes my day’s goals and objectives.  So I did some non scientific research on Facebook and it seems that they are people that try to stop others from achieving success. This notion brought the following to mind and I thought I’d share it this morning. 

I used to pay Chinese Checkers with my Grandpa. I’d play to try and block his moves,  while he maintained deliberate forward advancement.  I very rarely won against him(I think they were mercy wins). However, I could use the same strategy with other people and dominate. 

I’d laugh when he moved just one space thinking “I got him now” then I’d look down at the board and all my pieces were scattered while his were in line to go home.

It wasn’t until I got older that I figured out the lesson he was trying to teach me through that game. Which is also they key to his success and ability to do things that people wouldn’t even believe if I told them.

Sometimes your move will block someone else,  but you have to stay focused on your objective. There’s no victory in creating an obstacle for someone else because obstacles can be overcome.  If you keep your mind and eyes on your goal and make the necessary moves (which are not always fancy jumps) you’ll get there. 

Love. 

Sacrifice! (Happy Mother’s Day)

That’s the word that comes to mind when I think about the mothers in my life.

1.First you gave up your body for a while & all your vices to give your baby a healthy start. If you’re not the natural mom, you made the decision to pick a person to help grow into an adult (Either way that’s huge!)

2.Some of you give up your career paths to provide some structure and if you didn’t give up your career, you gave up watching some milestones to either set an example or provide a stable financial foundation.  (It’s hard to have it all. )

3.Then you give up sleep, free time, sanity, money to help your children grow. (You’ve got a kids song stuck in your head right now no matter how old your child may be.)

4. Later in the life of your child some of you give up your G card, because teenagers make you want to fight…but you love your babies and as much as you want to kill them you give pass after pass for mood swings and a new less than pleasant vocabulary. (I’ve watched my mom make the Samurai decision not to kill me because I was unarmed.)

5. After 18 years you watch them walk away.  Some kids go off to college and some off to the possibility of never coming back in joining the military. Some just “find themselves” which scares the hell out of you but you keep quiet and let them figure out life.

6. Sometimes the kids come back and need to get life figured out again because the first time they didn’t quite conquer the world as they’d imagined. Sometimes it’s the Grandkids… (yep just when you thought you were free)

7. All of that then they forget to call back… either because they’re “busy” or they’ve taken up the mantle of sacrifice themselves. 

I may not say it often, but I appreciate the sacrifices that my mother has made over the years. It may not have always felt like I knew, but I understand now that I’m older and at the age that people wear you out with questions of when you’ll enter into motherhood. (See above for my why not.)

The hazing process of that sisterhood is unending. I have a special respect for anyone that can willingly take up that cross. If she’s around tell your mom you love her… She’s done a lot for you to still be here (including not killing you when you were a wretched teenager)

Happy Mother’s Day! 

Thanks Mom 🙂

Marri’s UnCut Thoughts on Sterling

So everyone has an opinion on Donald Sterling.

Here’s my analysis and opinion of his alleged comments and prior allegations regarding his racism and the actions of those surrounding the issue.

1. The rant we caught was one steeped in jealousy, ignorance and cowardice more so than pure hate. Why do I say that? Well he never used a slur, and everything he said revolved around his girlfriend’s interactions. He’s already sneaking her in plain sight, he doesn’t want to have to explain his dealing with minorities to all his buddies that he says are calling him. I’m surprised his friends have computers, let alone know how to navigate Instagram for the sake of racist ribbing.

2. He’s old as hell and I’m willing to put cash money on the fact that if we put a tape recorder on a few more old white men’s private comments and conversations we’d have enough evidence of privilege and extreme purposeful disadvantage of Blacks (children of the Middle Passage)  in America to successfully start the campaign for Reparations. (Ask Romney)

3. The players’ protest was weak at best. Yes it’s understandable that they could be sued for not participating based on their contracts, so I can understand the lower paid players still showing up…. but this sheds a light on a much bigger issue (We forgot how to protest!) Who gives a flip if a logo isn’t showing if the show still goes on? Also, why is it just the Clippers that we are holding accountable? What about the other team’s players, coach and ownership? Want to guess why they didn’t hold up a united front in protest? It’s a Good Ole Boys’ club thing, we wouldn’t understand.

4. How did we skip over the fact that this man is cheating on his wife? A man with a set of morals that will allow him to have his side hoe and his wife in the same building is not one that shocks you with inappropriate comments and requests. His entire essence is inappropriate at its core. We haven’t seen this kind of bold move since Swiss & Alicia or Mister from The Color Purple. Of course he says things that will make people cringe in private. Outraged? Yes. Shocked? No.

5. The girlfriend is allegedly BFFs with Superhead. How long before you all learn to stop letting hoes in the house?(What else do you call a woman that’s creeping with a married man?)  They take all your money, embarrass you in front of everybody that will listen and if they hang with the likes of Superhead, they will get another check on the back-end from all the nosy people who are willing to pay to hear about your messed up life. That’s what he gets. No Sympathy from me at all.

6. There’s nothing that surprises me about the fact that he’s won NAACP Awards we (read the collective overarching grouping of Blacks in America) always leave the gate open in the name of love. The fact that the older allegations are just now being made public knowledge scream “Donation Probation” to me, meaning Sterling’s people cut the right check at the right time to keep the heat down. I imagine short speeches that contain “how can I be racist, I donate regularly to_____(insert black/urban interest group)”, layered with support comments of, “he’s helped supply____, and is a regular supporter of ____”. I’ll hold off on any further comments on this topic because I can start a whole new post on the purchase and sale of our acceptance.

7. My final opinion. I sincerely hope that there are more actions than flipped shirts. Can we start the conversation on how to pool resources and build wealth among minorities? (Honestly I mean black people because everybody else has figured that part out). I’d love to see a rise in minority ownership in all facets of sports and entertainment. We’re beyond days of marching, but we can protest with our dollars but withholding them is only a piece of it, we need to reallocate that money back into our communities. It’s time to stop trying to televise the Revolution and start to live it.

Kudos to CarMax and State Farm!

 

Donkey of the Day: Donald Sterling

The Point of It All (Resurrection Day Post)

I believe in Jesus,  not as a result of brain washing; Not as a carry over from slavery; Not because I’m not a logical person.  But because after researching other beliefs and ways of life I’ve concluded, as an adult, the following:

1. God exists
2. He’s gone through great lengths to reach us all in ways that we will receive Him. (I think that’s why we have so many belief systems… My humble opinion)
3. He can do anything. 
4. When I’ve asked for guidance and answers to my issues in Jesus’ name I’ve received abundantly more than I needed. (You can totally show me better than you can tell me, I’m that type of person.)

I understand and respect those that don’t believe the way that I do because I’ve had doubts, especially when you see how so many religions have been used as tools of war and oppression. However, I find liberty in Jesus. He was a radical that believed in the power of love as a sufficient tool to overcome evil. He also got live and spoke his mind when people got caught up in “religion” doing things just to do them.

If you’ve been on the fence with your faith, today I invite you to try Jesus (notice I did not say Christianity, build a relationship don’t just form a habit). Here’s a secret…. You can do that today even if you don’t have a fancy outfit and you don’t need money to receive salvation… Today is all about how that price has been paid.

Happy Resurrection Sunday! 

The Power of Shame

So there’s a story going around about a young lady that works in the adult entertainment industry that attends Duke University.

This has sparked a lot of heated discussions inside of some debate groups I’m a part of on Facebook. The overarching theme seems to be, “she chose this life, of course she’s a whore” or “what did she expect?” along with “don’t you dare call yourself a feminist”.

The problem is that she was involved in some films that included rough sexual encounters that were later marketed as “rape porn”.  She claims to not have any knowledge of how the films would be packaged which is believable in that most on-screen/ in front of the camera individuals sign releases and have no clue when or how their work will be used.

For example: I have a friend that did some random modelling gigs in her early 20s whose work I found on the cover of a best-selling book. When I reached out to congratulate her, she had no clue what I was talking about until I sent her the link.

So let’s get to the heart of the matter that the young woman who came out feels liberated and sees herself as a feminist, when so many have lined up to call her a whore. What is it that constitutes feminism? Is it not the advancement of women in a male dominated society? Does it not include the struggle for equal economic access and opportunities for advancement? Why then would the worlds oldest industry be excluded from the list of places that women can advance?

I’m confused in that the adult entertainment industry is a multi-billion dollar cash cow that extends much farther than pornographic films. There are business offices and executive positions attached to that industry just the same as oil and gas. Yet, some have decided that she’ll find herself destitute from the shame and stigma of having been involved. Even though she’ll most likely complete her college degree debt free, and will on paper be more financially/ fiscally responsible than her peers upon graduation. If she came out as a proponent of clean coal rather than a porn star, wouldn’t there still be some doors that opened and closed for her just the same?

The stigma attached to involvement in the industry sticks longer on the female employees/contractors. In my opinion the claims that she has not business calling herself a feminist are misplaced. The working conditions, rates of pay and accepted levels of risk are all a result of the shame pinned on the workers. If a person feels as though they have devalued themselves they are less willing to fight for better healthcare, rates of pay and respect in the workplace. Shame is a tool that’s been used in most capitalist systems to keep the price of labor to a minimum. By her not subscribing to the notion that she should cover her face everywhere she goes and pretend that she is not who she is disrupts the system. One of the goals of feminism, is to disrupt the status quo and equalize the female influence in a given situation. Shame is responsible for the marginalization of thousands of women within the past 50 yrs alone being shut out of billions of dollars in the adult entertainment industry. The few that have been able to capitalize have been the ones that not only embraced their involvement, but progressed to learn the business behind the camera.

I am by no means attaching some moral pass to the profession, or stating that it’s not realistic to believe that the young lady will have a hard time representing certain brands as an employee after this much exposure, but I am saying that there is room for her to grow to the executive level if she decides to utilize her degree inside of the industry that she’s already a part of, which has not been successfully dismantled by any movement.

I wrote this in hopes that it would inspire people to analyze a given situation prior to applying their default school of thought. Try not to judge a book, based on the reviews of others. (I had to update it to this generation as most of our books are digital 🙂 ) Those of us that do not agree with her life decisions don’t have any power to say what she may accomplish in life. (There’s a Mensa member (Life After Porn- available on Netflix) that has moved from an on-screen personality to an executive producer. )Those of us that wish to strip her of her self-appointed feminist status have no right to do so if we are not a part of the group of women that she’s seeking to liberate.

 

It’s been a while since I’ve written here, hopefully this was worth the wait. Let me know!

Don’t Get Caught Trippin’

I caught myself getting in a mood about where I am in life as opposed to where I imagined I would be at this age. This life has been an interesting ride and even with the several unpleasant twists and turns I can honestly look back with a grateful heart and mind.

I don’t know too many people that haven’t caught themselves in an ungrateful moment, the key is to not get stuck there. I used to wonder why I had to take the long way to every goal I’ve ever set. The revelation is that I have had the opportunity to learn everything that goes into what I’ve accomplished. Should I ever have kids or if any of my godchildren or young women that I mentor need to know what it takes to get to where I am, I can share not just a feel good story, but the big picture. Keeping the lesson through the pain is a marker of success.

It’s all too easy to start up a pity party and lose sight of the fact that no matter how long it takes you to get where you are trying to go, progress is to be celebrated. A win/ accomplishment is not diminished by time. Don’t let self-doubt steal your story or your glory (I laughed out loud writing that, as most of you know I’m not a fan of the Preachers of LA). Those moments need to get cut off as soon as they are recognized. Those are the moments that it’s easiest to start believing the things that people say about you, or even worse, those dark thoughts you have about yourself.

So what does it take to overcome those moments? These aren’t proven theories, but the work for me.
1. List everything that you are grateful for. (Start off small like being able to make a list)
2. Get excited about the accomplishments of those around you. Positive energy is contagious, if it’s happening to them, it’s out there and it’ll start happening to you if you take the time to catch it.
3. Say Thank You for every single thing. The more you’re grateful for, the more you’ll get.

Enjoy one of my favorite wake up songs. #SpeakLife #SpreadLove

Your Number One Fan

Katt Williams is much more funny when he says it, but it’s true all the same.

I’d like to assert that I am no expert and this is just an assessment of my introspective thoughts in times of turmoil. If this helps, I’m glad, but if you feel like your issues are much larger than something a motivational post can fix, call a professional. There’s nothing wrong with that!

This is my own theory on how a positive self-image is constructed:
1.You should not have to search for someone that’s going to love you unconditionally, as that person should live inside of you. If you’ve spent a lot of time beating yourself up, engaging in large amounts of negative self talk, that person is probably on retreat in the deep recesses of your mind and spirit. However, if you start to increase the your positive energy and make it safe, you’ll notice that person emerging from the cocoon you’ve created.

Self-Esteem is never completely lost:
2.If there’s ever been a time that you genuinely loved yourself free of any chemical motivation (drugs, alcohol or prescriptions) that place in your spirit never erases. Many times we lose touch with that piece of ourselves when we allow outside factors to determine what we believe in our minds. We also allow our minds to feed us lies about our bodies, we have an understanding that movement and nutrition are beneficial, yet we let ourselves go. You’re in charge of that. Recognize your ability to effect positive change in your life and recapture it.

There is such thing as “finding yourself”:
3. Many times we hear the term thrown around with reckless abandon and it’s easy to dismiss the person spouting the phrase as flighty. I challenge you to look into yourself and assess whether or not you are following the path that speaks to your heart the most. Life happens to us all, and many of us “end up” places both figuratively and literally. I can give at least ten starting over stories which include a few of my own, where people just let life take them down a particular road without a goal in mind, only to find that a U-turn is needed. Don’t knock “finding yourself”, just don’t hang around a bunch of people in transition. Confusion can only be combatted with focus, that’s the truth.

Who’s better than you?
4. Inadequacy issues are real. I’ve said it before on other platforms, if you walk into a room and you think that someone is better or worse than you, you start at a loss. The playing field is in your mind. The playing field is in you mind. The playing field is in your mind. Disadvantage is a delusion. Now that’s not saying that there are not prejudice and bias to overcome, but we are all afforded the same 24hrs of the day and it’s up to us to maximize that time to our advantage. If we chose not to fill our day with things that will improve aspects of our lives then we don’t have any standing to say that we are not good enough, when the truth is that we didn’t do the work. If you get up and do the work then you can hold your head high in any situation with the understanding that it’s not about better/worse, it’s about doing the work.

This was longer than I normally try to share, but I love you and I want you to get it. Now throw those shoulders back, hold your head high, smile and walk with purpose. Your Number One Fan is YOU!

Live Free

I just love Louis CK so deal with it.

Often times we delay living a good life for the “right time”. We have the habit of waiting for a special occasion to celebrate, but what’s more special than waking up another day?

I’d like to go into this year creating beneficial habits. While this isn’t an advice type post, and much of my reasoning behind sharing this is to hold myself accountable.

1. I plan on going wherever my heart leads and my bank account can support. Hair Shows, Blogging conferences, concerts, parties, everything that sounds like fun.

2. I want to enjoy every moment and cherish every memory, and I plan on doing that without alcohol. As much fun as it sounds like I’ll be taking away, I think I’ll be adding much more. For starters I won’t have to account for the calories in my glass and actually enjoy what I put on my plate. I’d also like to see how much of my twenties I spent in an alcoholic fog and whether or not all of my friends that I think are so much fun, are actually as fun as they seem when I’m lit. (that’s honesty for you)

3. I made a pledge to myself to try to meet at least one new person per week and so far I’m doing pretty well, but I’d like to get better at initiating conversations. I’m more than a tad bit socially awkward….but I’ll find a way.

4. I’m going to say No more than ever before in my life, and in doing so reduce my stress. I am committed to doing exactly what I feel like doing and not much else outside of paid obligations that keep my bills covered. If I can’t find the joy in it, the answer will probably be no. I love to help people, but I’m not letting anybody stress me out. Improper planning, lack of communication will result in an absence of a Margaret Ellen at your beckoned call.

5. I’m going to say Yes to more positive things. There’s nothing wrong with doing better, and don’t you let anybody talk you out of it.

People will make you tired…but only if you let them.

That’s about it folks. I hope your 2014 is going as great and even better than mine. I hope to be back with pictures from a Priceline.com  impromptu trip on the cheap sometime soon. If you’d like for me to link my TripAdvisor reviews here, email me at marellewrites@gmail.com and let me know. Until then follow me on Twitter @Margaret_Ellen and subscribe to my other blog http://www.OohMyHair.com

Love.