Do Whatcha Wanna!

birthday cake (Photo credit: freakgirl)

I got a call yesterday from a friend of mine that’s in the middle of making birthday plans. She was concerned about whether or not she was being unfair to her friends by choosing the laid back birthday that she’d enjoy over a night on the town that her friends with children are craving.

My friend has Christmas looming all over her birthday which on one end is a disadvantage, but on the other, there are some really festive and fun things to do that aren’t available all the time. I however always have to find a way to work around the Nation’s Birthday when it’s time for me to celebrate which is most likely why she asked for my advice. We both have to compete with the largest days of the year and on most occasions the days that nobody is in town. ( We are both Only Children, so it matters to us)

If you’ve gone back to read my older work or if you’ve been following me over the years you know my philosophy on birthdays.

“Do exactly what you want to do for your birthday, every year, no matter what.”

Nobody is really invested in you seeing each year quite as much as you are and to tailor your night to suit another individual is a mistake. You’ll always find yourself at the end of the night, wishing you’d stuck with Plan A. This does not mean completely disregard the thoughts and feelings of others, but rather identify your goal for the celebration. If what you want most is to enjoy a specific activity that nobody else wants to do, go and do it. If your heart’s desire is to be surrounded by your friends that make that effort and you most likely will have to make concessions to accommodate. The point is to go for the desired experience.

Your birthday is usually the cheapest time of year to experience new things because of all of the coupons and discounts that are made available. Don’t miss out on what you want for focusing on the needs of others too heavily.

It’s your day!

You know I couldn’t close this out without a piece of New Orleans flavor! 😉

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GIrl He Ain’t Slick (Letter 000004)

Reader be warned, you will be conflicted. I still don’t know exactly how I feel about this letter, but I’m taking a stab at it because it’s an interesting position.  This book came to mind when I read this letter.. 🙂

 

I need some help trying to understand the man I’m talking to. He is 26, no children, educated, owns his own business, and works with special needs clients. He is a real go getter that is on his “grustle”(grind/hustle). I promised myself I wouldn’t talk to another youngin bc of the shiggity I went thru with the last Buck the Blacksmith in my life, however I got swept off of my feet. He showered me with compliments I thought my name really was Beautiful, he was calling and texting all day everyday. He said he missed me. He cooked me breakfast and brought it to my house for a week straight. We talked and time just flew by. I guess you ask what’s the problem. The last time I heard from him was Sunday and today is Tuesday. We haven’t argued he told his mom about me I even talked to her on the phone. He was telling me he wanted to be with me forever, he had butterflies when he was near me and I was all he needed. Now I’m sitting here confused as hell and feeling lower than a muffler bc I don’t know what went wrong. Should I just delete his number? I’ve tried calling and texting no response. I just want to know what went wrong. We have not slept together only kissed and cuddled. I really like him but I’m not feeling the missing in action nonsense. I keep a guard up and he broke it down I was quite impressed now I wish had have kept his lil young ass out. What should I do, forget I even met him? Wait for him to contact me? Or just take it for what it was put the guard back up and enjoy being single for life?

 

Sincerely,

Confused Ice Queen

 

Question One:

How long have you been involved with this guy?

Opinion One:

My eyebrow raises if the communication stopped shortly after your contact with his mother. Based on how he treats you, it sounds like he is most likely very close to her and learned how to be sweet through his interactions with her. She may not like you, but she’s too polite to be nasty to you. You sent this Tuesday night, there are so many things that could have taken place, but most importantly, it may be NOTHING AT ALL. That’s not a lot of time to say that someone is ignoring you. You could very well be tripping and in need of learning the art of the chase. If you are always available every time he calls, he will have no sense of urgency in contacting you because you’re always there. Allow some time and space to exist between you and you’ll find out if he just wants to enjoy the chase.

 

Alternate POV:

He’s the type that likes the honeymoon phase of a relationship and chases that extreme feeling that occurs when you first meet someone. It’s quite possible that he’s simply had his fun. Hopefully that’s not the case but considering you didn’t tell me old this relationship is I can’t settle into an opinion.

 

My ultimate suggestion is to give it some real time to see if there’s more to the story. Don’t be so quick to jump to a conclusion for your own sanity’s sake. There’s no way to tell what he’s got up his sleeve so just let time tell the story. Why does it have to be so extreme? “…get ready to be single for life…” that would be by your own choice, not for a lack of viable options, there’s an entire world full of people. If things don’t pan out with this one, it may be time to expand your prospects. Don’t be dramatic.

 

I love my readers, and I appreciate you all trusting me with your issues. I’m going to write something on a regular basis no matter the content, but if you’d like more of this series, send me an email marellewrites@gmail.com

Decisions, Decisions

We can all look back on our lives and point out the major life changing decisions along the way. Today marks 11 years since my first day of Navy Recruit Training, and that’s not even the first major decision that I can say completely changed my life. One thing I think I’d love to have known in the midst of the decision making process was how to measure the magnitude of the possible outcomes. So I decided to compile a list, since those seem to be a favorite around here.

To bust the move, or not bust the move….that is the question.
Top 5 let’s go!

1. How will this change my life for the better?- if that list is completely material, you may want to think a bit longer on the matter. If you grow in some other area other than finances, the long term value may be a bit higher than it seems on the surface. There are times that the best move to make is not the most immediately lucrative choice. Chasing a dollar is the fastest way to end up in a hole. Chase improvement, and the money will follow.

2. How will this affect my current relationships? Sometimes the answer means leaving some people behind. It’s going to hurt, but in the long run, you have to be accountable for your answers to the knocks of Opportunity. If you stay to preserve a relationship, can you do so without building and later harboring a resentment? People matter so be conscious of what that will do to the people that you love, but don’t put your self in a position that will alienate your support system. Hold the conversation, find out the motivation behind any apprehensions, or affirm the fact that they have your back. Talk it out, objectively, don’t let anyone sway you on pure emotion, get the facts.

3.What do I stand to lose? As stated before, people matter, but so does current progress. I can remember deciding to leave Ohio and move to Georgia with my mother. I’d gained some positions in school, I was President of my Archonette chapter and my future was bright. However, I knew that I needed to be with my mother as I entered into womanhood, and not having her in that crucial time stood to do more damage than staying in my positions could provide benefit. Think it through, and be mindful of your mental health along with professional growth. Be honest with yourself.

4. Is there something even better than this option? Just because you are presented with an option that doesn’t make it the only thing you are eligible for. I’m thinking school selections/ job selection on this one. If you’ve spent time perfecting your craft or talent, find out how high you can go to get to exactly where you’d like to be. If you know that you’d like to sing and dance, and a performing arts school in your small town wants you to come work with them, how do you know that Julliard isn’t an option? Fight for your dreams and go for the best of the best.

5. If this is the only opportunity for this decision in life, would you hate yourself for denying it? – five is always self explanatory.

Thanks for reading. Pass this along and email me at marellewrites@gmail.com I love talking with you guys, you keep me writing!!

LOVE