Girl He Ain’t Slick (Letter 00002)

http://katiealley.blogspot.com/2010/11/cant-cook-wont-cook.html

Can I just say I’m enjoying this side of the blog! I’m glad to get an email from a fellow Gladiator as well. Strap in, I’d love to get some opinions from my readers on this one. Don’t forget you can comment anonymously as well:

The guy I am dating is very kind, considerate, and is just a good spirited person. You’re probably now asking well why are you writing to me? The reason is because he treats his mom, grandma, and daughter like queens,but me not so much. I mean he takes me out on dates, buys me nice things, and massages my feet. My issue comes in when he wants me to cook and wash his clothes. I feel I shouldn’t have to and I don’t. Those privileges are reserved for later on in the relationship in my opinion. He is always asking me to do those things, I tell him no and he is like if you were trying to be my woman you would do so. I’m sorry sir but your mama, grandma, and your hands are there to cook and play maid for you. I know how to throw down in the kitchen but why should I? I feel if he wants a June Cleaver he can go find her because my life and time is very important too. What is wrong with men who want to play house without rules? Why is it that men want their cake and to eat it too? In my Olivia Pope voice “Earn me”.

Sincerely,
“June Cleaver I am not”

Dear “June Cleaver I am not”,

First, I’m loving the Scandal reference, but before I go in about that episode in particular let’s break this down.

He treats all the women in his life that cater to him like queens. It sounds like you’ve found a man that’s placed some standards and conditions similar to how women establish those “Earn Me” ultimatums. By no means am I saying that you should play house with no rules, but consider this; If he was raised by the women in his life, he’s going to have a different perspective on relationships. I suggest you test the waters.

Laundry is a wifely privilege through and through because it takes a deep level of love to handle male dirty underwear, so not doing that before you’ve signed the contract may be a benefit to all parties involved.  However, see how much changes with a few home cooked meals. If you don’t see any return on your investment at least you never had your hand in dirty clothes water on his behalf.

As women we tend to maintain that the only one jumping through any hoops should be the male, but in the real world, especially this younger generation of men, there are many women that will do back flips just to say they have a man.

 (I’m going to assume you’re both young, just because that’s how it feels, but let me know if I’m wrong)

If he’s not worth some spaghetti and garlic bread, then maybe he’s not worth your time either. I’d love to know what he’s skipping out on that makes you feel like you’re not getting the “Queen” treatment. Feel free to respond anonymously on the site or email me back.

~M.E.

Girl He Ain’t Slick (Letter 00001)

http://www.vibe.com/article/boondocks-10-best-celeb-cameos-pg-4

For those of you that are not followers of my FB page or Twitter feed, this is part of a new category I’m calling “Girl He Ain’t Slick”. I know my YouTube viewers are confused as I’ve declared that I wouldn’t provide advice about love. However, I’ve been doing it for my friends for a while now. This letter is from an anonymous reader from either FB or Twitter. Enjoy!

First off let me say I have never really been in a real realtionship.  Relation-shits yes!  This guy and I have been talking on and off for about 8 months and he has decided that he wants to be in a real relationship.  I told him I would think about it.  I hate to fail at anything and I also dont want to be hurt.  In the beginning it started out great, then he showed his true colors.  I backed away because in my head I will stay single before I put up with a man’s bullshit.  Im not ugly and my self esteem is definitely where it needs to be, so no need to operate on stupidity.  Now he is back and wants to start over again.  My head says NO, but my heart says give it a chance.  I dont know what to do I like being independent and having my me time on the regular.  How do I let him in? I hate the word compromise but will I have too? How can I get over being nervous? My most important question is hos go make a relationship work without losing your own individuality?

 Thanks, 

Single vs. Booed Up

 Dear Single vs. Booed Up,

To be able to give you a full answer I’d like to know what you mean by showing his “true colors” because if he in any way put his hands on you we can cut the response short to “Leave his ass!” I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, it sounds like you would like to believe that being single forever is ok and that you’re not bothered by it. I can tell you now I don’t believe that for a second. The conflict between the head and the heart is normal especially for a guarded person. If you plan on getting along with any other human being it’s going to require some level of compromise so just get over that now. Everyone is nervous when it comes to matters of the heart because nobody wants to get hurt. If the only way that the relationship works is with losing all that you are that’s an indication of one of two things, he doesn’t actually like you, or you’ve got some major things wrong with how you operate in a relationship. I’d like to refer you back to a previous post “The privilege of friendship” not being selfish is part of the point of being in a relationship so consider if the change you feel coming is consideration or abandoning your character completely. Once you sift that out you’ll be able to stand firm on your decision. Best of luck to you, I’d be interested in finding out what he did. I also want you to know I’m borrowing “Relation-shits” that’s nice 🙂

-M.E.

Send your anonymous issues to marellewrites@gmail.com

The "Right" Thing came up again….

http://www.moveoneinc.com/blog/relocations/getting-a-divorce-abroad/

So I was talking to my older cousin about the traditional nature of our family, and how that method hasn’t proven successful in any of the living generations. Both of our parents (they’re brother and sister) have been divorced at least once, and are either currently, or very recently in jacked up relationships. Also what responsibilities have been passed down to us in that department.

My cousin argues that both she and I will be shamed by our respective parents if we fail to tie the knot with the people that we’ve chosen to be with. This brought on the conversation regarding who’s business is it?

Some of you that have been reading this blog over the years know that I was once married. (If you didn’t know, now you do). There’s nothing more beautiful than a solid marriage. Conversely, there’s also nothing more draining than divorce. If you are getting married without any regard for financial status, earning potential, credit and general financial responsibility, you are asking for a divorce. Billionaires (as in each partner independently) are the only people that can afford to marry without thinking about money. It will amplify every disagreement, bar you from making life goals and stir up resentment if you do not go into a situation with a clear, mutually agreed upon game plan or at least have the same things.

I used to hear church folks throw around unequally yoked, and most of the times they pulled that out the pocket when you wanted to marry outside of your belief system. As I’ve grown older and realized that it’s $25 in and $1500+ out, unequally yoked encompasses much more than who you pray to. What you strive for, how you make decisions and where you’re starting educationally and financially makes for a more useful conversation than religion alone.

The end of the conversation rested with me telling her that the best solution, at least right now, is to stay in love, stay together, but don’t sign anything!

This will be my last post on the subject, I’m tired of talking about it, so I can imagine that you’re sick of reading it, but let me know if I’m off. Feel free to comment, my cousin reads the blog. I need an Amen corner, or someone to tell me I’m wrong. Have at it so we can put this to bed once and for all.

So far..

http://foundwalls.com/steven-stahlberg-road/

I was told by a somewhat wise individual I met along my journey to always operate in purpose. If you invest your most precious asset into something (your time) be sure that it is worthy of every moment and that the returns are of equal or greater value. (Ok, I added that last piece to make them sound awe
some).

There will be many opportunities that will knock, if we execute in excellence, and not every one is appropriate for your journey in life. A good opportunity does not automatically qualify something as the right opportunity. I once tried to tackle everything that was thrown my way, and not step on too many toes, or make people uncomfortable with my declination of an offer. However, a no is possibly the greatest gift you can give someone if your heart refuses to follow your feet.

I’ve got a very diverse background as a result of a long period in time of not being able to say no. Countless hours of study in many subjects and fields all because someone noticed an aptitude for absorbing a concept. For years I struggled with not knowing what I wanted to do with the rest of my life because I couldn’t narrow down what I was “good” at simply because the list was too long. It wasn’t until years ago when I started this blog, left it alone, and couldn’t help but come back that I realize my passion is in capturing the human experience. Which explains my ability to play the piano, do hair, ride a horse, give an excellent massage and tear apart a contract. It’s not that I’m good at all these individual tasks, it’s that I am able to dissect a moment and understand everything that went into making it possible.

I said all that to say, I love to write. I can do this until the day that I die. I sincerely appreciate the support. I take a look at my stats, and you keep coming back! So I pledge to you that as long as you keep reading, I’ll keep writing. Maybe one day writing will take me to where I’m trying to go in life, but until then and even through that day I’ll never forget the dedication of my readers.

Thank You…..

Nervous Typing… Hospital Thoughts

When I’m nervous I start writing. This evening my grandmother isn’t feeling all that hot so as I sit here in the hospital and crack half jokes to keep her smiling I find myself thinking about odd things.

What is it about a hospital that makes you extremely hungry? Is it the fact that you know that you’ll be in one spot for an extended period of time when visiting a loved one, or is it the thought of the cafeteria closing right after you feel that last pain of hunger?

In my family we get worked up much differently than most people. If we’re stressed out we just stay awake and toil. Grandma was in here last week and I don’t think any of us got a solid hour of sleep. However we spent more time laughing and telling stories than we ever do on a normal occasion. There’s something about the idea of things changing that causes us all to turn up the positive energy… but in doing so we never deal with the emotions that are stirring under the surface. I can appreciate the front that we all give one another, but it makes for a tiresome private recovery.

Vinyl furniture only makes sense here. There shouldn’t be any other place that has vinyl furniture, but they just keep selling it to people for them to put it in their homes. Somebody should pass the word on that.

One of my aunts just loves to be the one to tell us the news. It’s almost like a badge of honor that she gather and disseminate the stories of doom and gloom. I’m sure everyone knows someone that just can’t wait to tell it. I’m getting to the point that now when my phone rings I prepare myself for the highest level of catastrophe so that when I hear it I can withhold the dramatic reaction. That’s my own sick way to pay back her running down the dreary news. We love one another dearly, I think we just get a kick out of being weird to each other.

Why don’t they get the people that make the chain restaurant food in the hospital to do the cooking out in the real world? Or is it the isolation and lack of options that makes everything taste like they got the recipe from Emril?

There’s something extra special about how we rally behind one another in our time of need. We come from far and wide, rearrange our work schedules and stay late. I love my family, and in all honesty I’m nervous, but I’m glad that we’ve stayed close over the years and can still come up with new ways to make one another smile when things are a bit crazy.

#Love

OCD and The Box

There’s a random topic that’s been on my mind, and it’s not appropriate for anything else I write so I thought I’d bring it here. As many of you know, I started this blog as a way to get out my frustrations without the consequence of having said the things that float around in my head to people that I love and care about.

With that established I must assert that there will be no giving or receiving of ass or any other sexual act in a house that is not clean. Cohabitation is not easy, and the biggest hurdle to ascend is the bachelor pad mentality. But dirty sex is for prostitutes, the homeless, and meth heads. I’m not saying that the entire house must look as though it’s ready to sell, but there has to be  clear and defined line of acceptable appearance.

Ladies, you know how growing up you hold those conversations about sex on white sand, then you grow up and try to attempt some of the stuff you thought were fantasies and end up with a bug bite or sand in an inaccessible location and abandon the thought? I believe that’s what’s happened to me in the realm of, just burst into the house and throw our clothes on the floor… etc. That shit is ridiculous, why? Who exactly is going to be expected to clean that up? The thought of having a task to perform aside from falling asleep and waking up to some juice makes the whole thing sound like it needs to be skipped.

Usually people with OCD end up in relationships with people that do not have it because it’s hard to find someone with the same ticks, and in that sacrifice comes the sentence to life without control. Some may say that I’m wrong for putting the box up for ransom, but I bet that sweeper gets a few laps around the living room this evening.

-I couldn’t say it out loud, but I’m glad I got it off my chest.