The "Right" Thing came up again….

http://www.moveoneinc.com/blog/relocations/getting-a-divorce-abroad/

So I was talking to my older cousin about the traditional nature of our family, and how that method hasn’t proven successful in any of the living generations. Both of our parents (they’re brother and sister) have been divorced at least once, and are either currently, or very recently in jacked up relationships. Also what responsibilities have been passed down to us in that department.

My cousin argues that both she and I will be shamed by our respective parents if we fail to tie the knot with the people that we’ve chosen to be with. This brought on the conversation regarding who’s business is it?

Some of you that have been reading this blog over the years know that I was once married. (If you didn’t know, now you do). There’s nothing more beautiful than a solid marriage. Conversely, there’s also nothing more draining than divorce. If you are getting married without any regard for financial status, earning potential, credit and general financial responsibility, you are asking for a divorce. Billionaires (as in each partner independently) are the only people that can afford to marry without thinking about money. It will amplify every disagreement, bar you from making life goals and stir up resentment if you do not go into a situation with a clear, mutually agreed upon game plan or at least have the same things.

I used to hear church folks throw around unequally yoked, and most of the times they pulled that out the pocket when you wanted to marry outside of your belief system. As I’ve grown older and realized that it’s $25 in and $1500+ out, unequally yoked encompasses much more than who you pray to. What you strive for, how you make decisions and where you’re starting educationally and financially makes for a more useful conversation than religion alone.

The end of the conversation rested with me telling her that the best solution, at least right now, is to stay in love, stay together, but don’t sign anything!

This will be my last post on the subject, I’m tired of talking about it, so I can imagine that you’re sick of reading it, but let me know if I’m off. Feel free to comment, my cousin reads the blog. I need an Amen corner, or someone to tell me I’m wrong. Have at it so we can put this to bed once and for all.

Weekend Trip (writing sample)



http://cedarmountainpines.com/photos-2/browning

Nobody suspected how far from home we were. This was just like an other trip out to the woods, plenty of alcohol, cards and music. The cabin I took everyone to is beautiful, but there’s nothing within a 10 mile radius, but since everyone slept on the way up, most of them are too drunk to realize this isn’t our normal park.

As night falls we all gather on the deck and start up a random conversation about life. The air is fresh and clean and the fire pit is keeping us just warm enough without being unbearably hot. The group gets lost in a deep discussion and I decide to turn in early since I had breakfast duty in the morning. I can get to my room from the deck so I just walk in and pull the shades. I drift off to sleep rather quickly thanks to the wine I’d been drinking through the evening.

In the middle of the night I wake up to go to the restroom. I can still see the light from the fire pit and assume that everyone is still up. I decide not to turn on the lights until I close the bathroom door so they don’t see that I’m awake and try to bring me into the conversation. When I close the door and flip the switch, I notice all but one bulb is missing around the mirror. I decide to investigate what’s happened to the rest of the bulbs because I don’t want to be charged for them when it’s time to check out. I walk from my room out into the great room and notice everyone is scattered throughout the living room area. Before I get a chance to say anything I feel a hand cover my mouth and pull me back into my room.

“Don’t scream it’s me, I’m saving your life” the familiar voice is my friend Luke.
I try to take in the scene before I’m too far to see, and I notice that there are more people in the room than our original group.

“Who are those people?’ I whisper as I grab my shoes and locate my pocket knife.

“They came up saying that they were in the cabin down the road and wanted to join the party, but they took everyone hostage.”

“How did you get away?” I ask completely confused and heading towards the balcony door.

“They never saw me sitting in the corner.” He looks just as confused as he opens the door slowly to be sure that none of them are still on the deck.

 “We should be able to get to Buford Dam Rd. pretty soon if we run for it, I know Lake Lanier like the back of my hand.” He gets an excited spark in his eye until he looks at my face.
“What’s wrong?”

“We’re in North Georgia. I have no idea how to get around without a GPS” I tell him as I grab my phone from the charger on the nightstand.

“I hope, you’re in shape.” Luke picks me up and throws me off the side of the deck.

I land soft knees and start running for the tree line. Luke jumps and catches up with me quickly. We try to find a place that will hide the light of our phones so we can call for help.

The "Right" Thing.

It’s hard being smart and in love. Considerably so if you grow up in a traditional family. There’s part of you that’s been bred to believe that when you’re in love you get married, buy a house, have kids and live out the good and bad times.

In any amount of living, observing and learning, you find that love is not the only relevant factor. The traditional, dare I say Disney, idea of marriage completely contradicts what the government does to a couple. If you don’t get married right out of high school it’s almost too late. The debts accrued on either party’s behalf can bring to a halt any financial progress of the couple as a unit.

So what do you do when you love someone that has horrible credit due to either ignorance of the process or predatory lending? One could say leave and find someone that’s got it together. But how far will that take you emotionally? It’s not often that you find someone that you can completely be yourself with, do you abandon that in an effort to be able to live traditionally? Or do you say screw being manipulated by social norms and create your own situation?

These are the things that cross ones mind when you so badly have an urge to fall in line with what you’ve been made to believe is the right thing. Which leads me to wonder if it’s all a scam.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on it.