GIrl He Ain’t Slick (Letter 000004)

Reader be warned, you will be conflicted. I still don’t know exactly how I feel about this letter, but I’m taking a stab at it because it’s an interesting position.  This book came to mind when I read this letter.. 🙂

 

I need some help trying to understand the man I’m talking to. He is 26, no children, educated, owns his own business, and works with special needs clients. He is a real go getter that is on his “grustle”(grind/hustle). I promised myself I wouldn’t talk to another youngin bc of the shiggity I went thru with the last Buck the Blacksmith in my life, however I got swept off of my feet. He showered me with compliments I thought my name really was Beautiful, he was calling and texting all day everyday. He said he missed me. He cooked me breakfast and brought it to my house for a week straight. We talked and time just flew by. I guess you ask what’s the problem. The last time I heard from him was Sunday and today is Tuesday. We haven’t argued he told his mom about me I even talked to her on the phone. He was telling me he wanted to be with me forever, he had butterflies when he was near me and I was all he needed. Now I’m sitting here confused as hell and feeling lower than a muffler bc I don’t know what went wrong. Should I just delete his number? I’ve tried calling and texting no response. I just want to know what went wrong. We have not slept together only kissed and cuddled. I really like him but I’m not feeling the missing in action nonsense. I keep a guard up and he broke it down I was quite impressed now I wish had have kept his lil young ass out. What should I do, forget I even met him? Wait for him to contact me? Or just take it for what it was put the guard back up and enjoy being single for life?

 

Sincerely,

Confused Ice Queen

 

Question One:

How long have you been involved with this guy?

Opinion One:

My eyebrow raises if the communication stopped shortly after your contact with his mother. Based on how he treats you, it sounds like he is most likely very close to her and learned how to be sweet through his interactions with her. She may not like you, but she’s too polite to be nasty to you. You sent this Tuesday night, there are so many things that could have taken place, but most importantly, it may be NOTHING AT ALL. That’s not a lot of time to say that someone is ignoring you. You could very well be tripping and in need of learning the art of the chase. If you are always available every time he calls, he will have no sense of urgency in contacting you because you’re always there. Allow some time and space to exist between you and you’ll find out if he just wants to enjoy the chase.

 

Alternate POV:

He’s the type that likes the honeymoon phase of a relationship and chases that extreme feeling that occurs when you first meet someone. It’s quite possible that he’s simply had his fun. Hopefully that’s not the case but considering you didn’t tell me old this relationship is I can’t settle into an opinion.

 

My ultimate suggestion is to give it some real time to see if there’s more to the story. Don’t be so quick to jump to a conclusion for your own sanity’s sake. There’s no way to tell what he’s got up his sleeve so just let time tell the story. Why does it have to be so extreme? “…get ready to be single for life…” that would be by your own choice, not for a lack of viable options, there’s an entire world full of people. If things don’t pan out with this one, it may be time to expand your prospects. Don’t be dramatic.

 

I love my readers, and I appreciate you all trusting me with your issues. I’m going to write something on a regular basis no matter the content, but if you’d like more of this series, send me an email marellewrites@gmail.com

Girl He Ain’t Slick (Letter 00002)

http://katiealley.blogspot.com/2010/11/cant-cook-wont-cook.html

Can I just say I’m enjoying this side of the blog! I’m glad to get an email from a fellow Gladiator as well. Strap in, I’d love to get some opinions from my readers on this one. Don’t forget you can comment anonymously as well:

The guy I am dating is very kind, considerate, and is just a good spirited person. You’re probably now asking well why are you writing to me? The reason is because he treats his mom, grandma, and daughter like queens,but me not so much. I mean he takes me out on dates, buys me nice things, and massages my feet. My issue comes in when he wants me to cook and wash his clothes. I feel I shouldn’t have to and I don’t. Those privileges are reserved for later on in the relationship in my opinion. He is always asking me to do those things, I tell him no and he is like if you were trying to be my woman you would do so. I’m sorry sir but your mama, grandma, and your hands are there to cook and play maid for you. I know how to throw down in the kitchen but why should I? I feel if he wants a June Cleaver he can go find her because my life and time is very important too. What is wrong with men who want to play house without rules? Why is it that men want their cake and to eat it too? In my Olivia Pope voice “Earn me”.

Sincerely,
“June Cleaver I am not”

Dear “June Cleaver I am not”,

First, I’m loving the Scandal reference, but before I go in about that episode in particular let’s break this down.

He treats all the women in his life that cater to him like queens. It sounds like you’ve found a man that’s placed some standards and conditions similar to how women establish those “Earn Me” ultimatums. By no means am I saying that you should play house with no rules, but consider this; If he was raised by the women in his life, he’s going to have a different perspective on relationships. I suggest you test the waters.

Laundry is a wifely privilege through and through because it takes a deep level of love to handle male dirty underwear, so not doing that before you’ve signed the contract may be a benefit to all parties involved.  However, see how much changes with a few home cooked meals. If you don’t see any return on your investment at least you never had your hand in dirty clothes water on his behalf.

As women we tend to maintain that the only one jumping through any hoops should be the male, but in the real world, especially this younger generation of men, there are many women that will do back flips just to say they have a man.

 (I’m going to assume you’re both young, just because that’s how it feels, but let me know if I’m wrong)

If he’s not worth some spaghetti and garlic bread, then maybe he’s not worth your time either. I’d love to know what he’s skipping out on that makes you feel like you’re not getting the “Queen” treatment. Feel free to respond anonymously on the site or email me back.

~M.E.

Girl He Ain’t Slick (Letter 00001)

http://www.vibe.com/article/boondocks-10-best-celeb-cameos-pg-4

For those of you that are not followers of my FB page or Twitter feed, this is part of a new category I’m calling “Girl He Ain’t Slick”. I know my YouTube viewers are confused as I’ve declared that I wouldn’t provide advice about love. However, I’ve been doing it for my friends for a while now. This letter is from an anonymous reader from either FB or Twitter. Enjoy!

First off let me say I have never really been in a real realtionship.  Relation-shits yes!  This guy and I have been talking on and off for about 8 months and he has decided that he wants to be in a real relationship.  I told him I would think about it.  I hate to fail at anything and I also dont want to be hurt.  In the beginning it started out great, then he showed his true colors.  I backed away because in my head I will stay single before I put up with a man’s bullshit.  Im not ugly and my self esteem is definitely where it needs to be, so no need to operate on stupidity.  Now he is back and wants to start over again.  My head says NO, but my heart says give it a chance.  I dont know what to do I like being independent and having my me time on the regular.  How do I let him in? I hate the word compromise but will I have too? How can I get over being nervous? My most important question is hos go make a relationship work without losing your own individuality?

 Thanks, 

Single vs. Booed Up

 Dear Single vs. Booed Up,

To be able to give you a full answer I’d like to know what you mean by showing his “true colors” because if he in any way put his hands on you we can cut the response short to “Leave his ass!” I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, it sounds like you would like to believe that being single forever is ok and that you’re not bothered by it. I can tell you now I don’t believe that for a second. The conflict between the head and the heart is normal especially for a guarded person. If you plan on getting along with any other human being it’s going to require some level of compromise so just get over that now. Everyone is nervous when it comes to matters of the heart because nobody wants to get hurt. If the only way that the relationship works is with losing all that you are that’s an indication of one of two things, he doesn’t actually like you, or you’ve got some major things wrong with how you operate in a relationship. I’d like to refer you back to a previous post “The privilege of friendship” not being selfish is part of the point of being in a relationship so consider if the change you feel coming is consideration or abandoning your character completely. Once you sift that out you’ll be able to stand firm on your decision. Best of luck to you, I’d be interested in finding out what he did. I also want you to know I’m borrowing “Relation-shits” that’s nice 🙂

-M.E.

Send your anonymous issues to marellewrites@gmail.com

What’s up with Porn?

Most women that date men have come across “the stash”. The reactions differ from woman to woman but I think the underlying curiosity is essentially the same. “Why?” So in the name of science and being nosey I conducted a non-scientific study. (Aren’t you glad you had to go through the disclaimer page first?)

Experiment 1: I watched a random selection from a certain person’s electronic stash with a knowledge of the types of entertainment they enjoy. (General Cinema of the non-adult nature) The goal was to ascertain if there were overlapping elements such as story line, plot development, comedic timing, and suspense.

The results of  Experiment 1 were inconclusive as the selection did not have any elements of general entertainment. There was one part that made me laugh, but I don’t think that counted as it was pertaining to the lack of ability to act.

Experiment 2: The next random selection from the stash was to be watched to determine if the physical attraction mirrored or overlapped this person’s openly expressed taste. (Height, skin tone, shape, general disposition)

The results of Experiment 2 were inconclusive in that the range of body types, were far too wide and there was no way to determine if any segments were fast forwarded by the subject.

Experiment 3: I simply asked the subject why they enjoy Porn at a point in time in which they had no idea why I’d ask the question.

The results of Experiment 3 were inconclusive in that the answer provided seemed rehearsed and persuaded by the status of the person asking the question.

There is no conclusion. Porn is weird, guys like it for various reasons and the moral of this post is to log off or surf your smut in inPrivate mode.

Until next time.

OCD and The Box

There’s a random topic that’s been on my mind, and it’s not appropriate for anything else I write so I thought I’d bring it here. As many of you know, I started this blog as a way to get out my frustrations without the consequence of having said the things that float around in my head to people that I love and care about.

With that established I must assert that there will be no giving or receiving of ass or any other sexual act in a house that is not clean. Cohabitation is not easy, and the biggest hurdle to ascend is the bachelor pad mentality. But dirty sex is for prostitutes, the homeless, and meth heads. I’m not saying that the entire house must look as though it’s ready to sell, but there has to be  clear and defined line of acceptable appearance.

Ladies, you know how growing up you hold those conversations about sex on white sand, then you grow up and try to attempt some of the stuff you thought were fantasies and end up with a bug bite or sand in an inaccessible location and abandon the thought? I believe that’s what’s happened to me in the realm of, just burst into the house and throw our clothes on the floor… etc. That shit is ridiculous, why? Who exactly is going to be expected to clean that up? The thought of having a task to perform aside from falling asleep and waking up to some juice makes the whole thing sound like it needs to be skipped.

Usually people with OCD end up in relationships with people that do not have it because it’s hard to find someone with the same ticks, and in that sacrifice comes the sentence to life without control. Some may say that I’m wrong for putting the box up for ransom, but I bet that sweeper gets a few laps around the living room this evening.

-I couldn’t say it out loud, but I’m glad I got it off my chest.