The Power of Trust

This is a “thought bubble”. It is an illustration depicting thought. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It would be interesting to find out how others think about trust.

Over the years I’ve gone through many different situations that have caused me to reevaluate how I allow myself to trust others. From jobs, to business ventures to friends and romance, I’ve had every reason to walk around with my guard up, but I find that my most rewarding experiences take place when I allow myself to open up and trust that the energy that I put out will be returned in kind at some point.

The most important trust to extend is to your own inner voice. Not the voices in your head, but that still small voice that originates in the pit of your stomach. Once you learn to trust yourself, it becomes much easier to extend that faith to people and things around you.

Where did I get this theory?

I lived a very guarded life after a small tragedy took place thinking that things would ultimately get better if I didn’t allow myself to interact with too many people. I thought that I’d reduce my chances of being hurt. The reality is that the energy that I had surrounding me was repelling the wrong people. Yes I had fewer people around, but I sacrificed the presence of some quality friends in the process.

Once I recognized my circle had become toxic, I slowly but surely turned the wall around my heart into a fence. I let people start to see the real me, and in that was able to determine who I could let in. Once my fence technique proved effective I began to realize that nobody has the power to do anything to me. Ill will and bad intentions reveal themselves if you are vigilant, and in that you’re less likely to have untrustworthy people in your presence.

What do I do now?

I give people enough space to show me exactly who they are. I don’t shut myself down and I no longer fear what someone may do to me as a result of my genuine behavior because I know that eventually the Universe will return whatever I put out.

I don’t claim to know it all, I’d love to know what you all think about trust.

Is it possible to trust others when you haven’t learned to trust your gut?

Can you live a full life being guarded?

How do you get past the feeling of wanting to shut people out?

Hash it out in the comments below. We can all stand to pick up some positive techniques.

Related articles

• Trust. Ego. Distrust. Confidence. (asklarina.wordpress.com)
• Effective Leaders Build Trust (jannfreed.com)
• In God we trust, maybe, but not each other (sandiego6.com)
• Can you trust you? (accessyourtruenature.com)
• One of the hardest things to do…is to TRUST (facingtherainbow.wordpress.com)
• Anxiety and trust (echoesofyesterday.wordpress.com)
• Day 5. Is trust a big issue for you? (amekay27.wordpress.com)

Saved my life…

Here’s a small glimpse into my life…  (it’s long, but there’s a point I promise)

I grew up an only child, you all know that. Which means I’d spend a lot of time in my imagination. I knew that t.v. wasn’t real, but it helped me develop my own thoughts and behaviors. It all started with A Different World.
Before I got into pre-school I would watch that show on the weekends that I wasn’t with my Grandpa and I knew that I wanted to go to college before I fully understood what it was. Some of you remember the opening credits when Julissa tears up the paper and throws it in the air, well I didn’t know at the time that it was her marriage certificate, I thought that was just a part of getting excited about going to school. (here comes the funny) So when my parents found out that I’d been accepted into one of the best public schools in the city, want to guess my reaction? Yes I did tear that post card up and throw it in the air, I was on my way to college, first step, pre-school.

Both of my parents worked long hours so I’d spend a lot of time by myself over the years and I let the t.v. raise me. My grandparents kept me in a missionary Baptist church, but rather that WWJD (what would Jesus do?) I found myself in moral dilemmas asking; “Is this something that would make my family stage an alternate world in which I had to suffer a real life consequence in the safety of my home?”, as I was the honorary other Cosby kid in my head that just didn’t get talked about.

Living this way between the church and the t.v. I learned a lot about relationships, sex, teenage pregnancy, drugs, dancing in public and revealing clothes. It wasn’t until I got to middle school that I found out that nobody operated with any of the principles that I’d held dear. I found myself caring more about fitting in, not being called names or having to fight than nurturing the goal that I’d set for myself long ago in pre-school. I had always been a karate kid, I’ve played the piano and ran track competitively but all of that felt so blah when I hit about 12 and the only thing that people saw was the weird girl who’s face was exploding and was shaped like a board with balloons taped to the back.

One night while sneaking to spend some quality time with my best friend the television I stopped on a comedy show and this woman had me in tears with laughter. She was loud, cussing and she talked about herself the way that people would talk about me, but it made people laugh with her. She made it ok to be the loud dark skinned girl in my world because all I knew at school was “redbone” was the thing to be. She was clearly not a “redbone” yet she’s on television, and the people love her. She held me captive until the end of her set then she gave her name. “I’m Sheryl Underwood, that’s my time, and I want to give a shout out to my Sorors the phenomenal women of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated, Z-Phi!” and she put up her hand and I  RAN to the computer (feel free to read that in Sweet Brown’s voice, it was that urgent for me).

Back in those days AOL ran the Internet and I waited patiently for the dial-up to connect, closed out my email and typed in her name on the search box. A pop-up for Sinbad’s trips to Aruba came up and I found a page that gave me a little info, then I found the sorority website. This brought me back to my A Different World days, I remember how excited I was, and how I found a new energy in my pursuit of going to college. I’d almost given up, I was attending a prestigious school but it was so damn scary and filled with drug addicts and whores that I didn’t think I was still interested in going to college because the word around town was that’s the best place to get you prepared to go.

The summer before high school I was put in a young entrepreneur camp and our goal was to run a hot dog stand at the Black Family Reunion. It was hot, we made a good amount of money, but the highlight of that afternoon was when I saw two ladies in Zeta Phi Beta shirts and I was able to tell them that I wanted to be one of them when I grew up. I got the best news ever, and found out they were building a youth group called the Archonettes.

Long story short, I became the President of that youth group. The life lessons, volunteer opportunities, trips, opportunities to express myself and get real answers are still priceless. Even though other life circumstances didn’t allow me to go to college right after high school, the ladies kept in touch with me over the years and I never completely lost my focus or passion to create a situation to have the life that I wanted.

Today I’m a proud member of  Pi Sigma Zeta that exact chapter that took me in as a teenager, and tonight when the 23rd International President Sheryl Underwood completes her set at the comedy club in my city with a resounding Z-Phi, I can answer back sitting with my sorority sisters and my life together. I feel like this deserves a Julissa celebratory paper toss. She doesn’t know it but she kind of saved my life. 🙂

Hope you enjoyed. Have an inspirational story to share? Feel free to send me an email marellewrites@gmail.com. Want more information about my sorority visit www.zphib1920.org

Learn to Enjoy the Journey

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There are so many people that want to skip the middle. They want to become the next Tyler Perry, but they want to skip the dedication that would drive you to sleeping in your car for what you’ve been called to do. They think that their past is enough of a reason for them to be in a season of breakthrough, RIGHT NOW. There is no such thing as one day it all just swept me away. There were points of preparation that people utilized properly that gave way and made room for a win. I remember my karate days, my father would make me get out of the house on a Saturday and ride my bike, or do some cardio to increase my endurance and his lecture would always contain “This is where you win the medal”. I’d like to say that I never forgot that lesson, but if you’ve been reading my blog for a while you can go back to around 2008 and see for yourself. Here’s what I’ve learned on my journey and I think that it may be helpful for someone.

So how do you find yourself in the middle of a downward spiral?

1. You get so enamored  with your self that you forget about being open to opportunities. There are people all over this world that know more than you. Even when you spent a lot of time and money on your education. If the only thing that people can get out of you is a chance to hear your pitch, nobody is interested in seeing you win…. they just stop caring. Listen a bit more than you talk and people will feed you the keys to your success…. if you let them.

2. You ride the high too long. You get a win and you stay happy about that small victory long past the expiration date. Wins sere as excellent platforms for new goals. Absolutely enjoy the moment, but the next moment should be spent determining the next destination on the road and finding out what it will take to get there. There are some people that have the Al Bundy syndrome (90s sitcom reference) and they relive that touchdown over and over rather than hitting the gym and building a career.

3. You give up too soon. Not everything that’s awesome is going to jump off immediately, most things that are awesome start off just a little lame, mostly because it’s not had time to be associated with the people that will love it the most. Don’t be so quick to fold just because you’re not an instant success.

4. Criticism kills you. You either get too defensive or you dismiss everything that isn’t someone falling all over you as people “hating”. Sometimes, there really is something wrong with what you’re doing, and sometimes there are people that can help you find a better way.

Find a balance, and keep your energy positive. This life is hard and scary but if you find a way to push through, you can do anything you come up with. Just stop glossing over the stuff in-between that matters.

Love