Girl He Ain’t Slick (Letter 00001)

http://www.vibe.com/article/boondocks-10-best-celeb-cameos-pg-4

For those of you that are not followers of my FB page or Twitter feed, this is part of a new category I’m calling “Girl He Ain’t Slick”. I know my YouTube viewers are confused as I’ve declared that I wouldn’t provide advice about love. However, I’ve been doing it for my friends for a while now. This letter is from an anonymous reader from either FB or Twitter. Enjoy!

First off let me say I have never really been in a real realtionship.  Relation-shits yes!  This guy and I have been talking on and off for about 8 months and he has decided that he wants to be in a real relationship.  I told him I would think about it.  I hate to fail at anything and I also dont want to be hurt.  In the beginning it started out great, then he showed his true colors.  I backed away because in my head I will stay single before I put up with a man’s bullshit.  Im not ugly and my self esteem is definitely where it needs to be, so no need to operate on stupidity.  Now he is back and wants to start over again.  My head says NO, but my heart says give it a chance.  I dont know what to do I like being independent and having my me time on the regular.  How do I let him in? I hate the word compromise but will I have too? How can I get over being nervous? My most important question is hos go make a relationship work without losing your own individuality?

 Thanks, 

Single vs. Booed Up

 Dear Single vs. Booed Up,

To be able to give you a full answer I’d like to know what you mean by showing his “true colors” because if he in any way put his hands on you we can cut the response short to “Leave his ass!” I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, it sounds like you would like to believe that being single forever is ok and that you’re not bothered by it. I can tell you now I don’t believe that for a second. The conflict between the head and the heart is normal especially for a guarded person. If you plan on getting along with any other human being it’s going to require some level of compromise so just get over that now. Everyone is nervous when it comes to matters of the heart because nobody wants to get hurt. If the only way that the relationship works is with losing all that you are that’s an indication of one of two things, he doesn’t actually like you, or you’ve got some major things wrong with how you operate in a relationship. I’d like to refer you back to a previous post “The privilege of friendship” not being selfish is part of the point of being in a relationship so consider if the change you feel coming is consideration or abandoning your character completely. Once you sift that out you’ll be able to stand firm on your decision. Best of luck to you, I’d be interested in finding out what he did. I also want you to know I’m borrowing “Relation-shits” that’s nice 🙂

-M.E.

Send your anonymous issues to marellewrites@gmail.com