Loyalty…

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Loyalty has been an overarching theme lately. I wish that I could say that it’s the new generation or these kids are messed up, but it transcends all age, gender and color lines. So as I ponder this epidemic I started thinking, maybe people have forgotten what that’s supposed to look like. Maybe in this world of instant connectivity, we have abandoned the hierarchy of acceptable behavior towards those that we hold dear.

I get some emails from people that just want to share their thoughts with me and get my opinion, since these people don’t fit into a Girl He Ain’t Slick post I’ve decided to make a compilation of some of my responses to the issues presented that had a theme of loyalty.

1. It makes perfect sense to feel offended by not receiving a formal invitation to your friend’s party, however if you are very close, they may have just assumed that you would be there no matter what. Your friendship is probably bigger than the guest list.

2. No it doesn’t make sense that your aunt would be upset with you for leaving the house after her live-in boyfriend was accused of touching your child. Any mother with their right mind will protect their children. Why do people feel like you  have to wait until something horrible happens to kick into action? It takes a village to raise and protect a child.

3. Yes you should try to save a friendship if you believe that you are just having a small disagreement. However if you see the signs that this person is not capable of being there in the way that you two can be a positive addition to one another’s lives, let it go. Life is too long to be walking around with stress.

4. If your gut is telling you that you are being used, listen. Learn to say no and pay attention to the reaction that you receive. If all the love and attention goes away then you know what the situation was about all along.

Friendship Tips:
If you never borrow anything, you never have to pay anything back. Don’t lean on your friends for your poor decision making. Emergency does not include mismanagement of your own funds.

When in doubt, talk it out. It’s never OK to just stew in anger when the subject is a person that you’re close to. Ask the hard questions, be ready for the answers and keep calm. Save the hooping and hollering for someone in the streets that you don’t care about. Be respectful of the time spent building the friendship/relationship prior to the misunderstanding.

Do what you can when you can. Nothing is worse than saying you will do something prematurely. Be mindful of your means, and be upfront, there’s nothing wrong with taking time to think before you answer. True friends will recognize that there is a difference between what you want to do and what you can do.

Know your role. Don’t take on more than the friendship requires. If you are asked to be a shoulder to cry on, be honest if you’re not capable of that, don’t turn into an avenger when nobody asked for one.

I love getting your emails marellewrites@gmail.com so keep them coming.

-LOVE

The Privilege of Friendship

Friendship is not a list of obligations and chores. It is the conduit in which two people are able to provide one another with their strengths in times of the other’s weakness. It’s not a score of who paid last, events attended, or who called first. It is conversely the free exchange without ever feeling as though things are uneven, without ever really knowing for sure.

There are some that value their friends based on how far they are able to advance them in life, how many hook-ups and solids they are able to obtain. Some feel like you can’t be friends unless you always agree, and divulge every thought and secret completely. I challenge those who harbor that thought process.

A friend may not always be able to pick up the phone, they may not show up to everything that happens in one another’s lives, but through it all the care in their heart never goes away because of time, space or changes. A friend does not utilize the weaknesses of the other for personal gain. They do not attempt to obtain leverage maliciously for future use.

They listen to one another. Friends provide one another with the highest level of respect and loyalty at all times. If they do create competition, it’s for the growth of both parties and motivation. Friends tell one another the truth, but they also know what questions not to pose out of love for one another. Friends don’t try to hurt one another, which includes not putting one another in positions that may compromise other relationships in their lives.

This is just in case there’s someone wondering…

Trust Issues

Quick overview, I’ve lived in a world where people can be married for over 20 years and deep down hate one another. I’ve seen best friends bang the other’s significant others, and cousins hit on ex-spouses. I’ve watched people smile on one side of their mouths and out the other side spew nothing but hate. People are shady as hell.

This doesn’t mean that I won’t have an open heart, and be a kind person. This just means I don’t put a thing past a human being. People do not value loyalty, respect and honesty. So let’s get to the motivation behind the lines.



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Prior to formally meeting most people that are already in the circles of my friends and loved ones I pay attention to the types of stories that are told about the individual. If everything I hear is nothing but negativity, I have no need to be in attendance at anything that they will be present. (very few exceptions)

Next, if a person’s name is constantly associated with an individual that I absolutely know that I don’t care for, they are generally deemed shady by association. I will give this person an opportunity to prove me wrong, but I refuse to let them in any closer than you would a classmate.

I was recently invited to break bread with an individual that I’ve not been able to get any type of clearance on. Mainly because they served as a spy. Not to say that they had a skewed loyalty, but the fact that they could comfortably serve in that capacity, no matter which side they serve, let’s me know that they’ve got a loose base. For that I respectfully declined the invitation. Perhaps I’m being too hard on them. Perhaps they felt a duty to be a sneak, but I just refuse to mess with an individual that can even pretend to be fake.

You tell me if I’m doing too much. I doubt it seriously, but someone may have a better perspective. Agree or disagree, share your thoughts on the subject.