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Loyalty has been an overarching theme lately. I wish that I could say that it’s the new generation or these kids are messed up, but it transcends all age, gender and color lines. So as I ponder this epidemic I started thinking, maybe people have forgotten what that’s supposed to look like. Maybe in this world of instant connectivity, we have abandoned the hierarchy of acceptable behavior towards those that we hold dear.
I get some emails from people that just want to share their thoughts with me and get my opinion, since these people don’t fit into a Girl He Ain’t Slick post I’ve decided to make a compilation of some of my responses to the issues presented that had a theme of loyalty.
1. It makes perfect sense to feel offended by not receiving a formal invitation to your friend’s party, however if you are very close, they may have just assumed that you would be there no matter what. Your friendship is probably bigger than the guest list.
2. No it doesn’t make sense that your aunt would be upset with you for leaving the house after her live-in boyfriend was accused of touching your child. Any mother with their right mind will protect their children. Why do people feel like you have to wait until something horrible happens to kick into action? It takes a village to raise and protect a child.
3. Yes you should try to save a friendship if you believe that you are just having a small disagreement. However if you see the signs that this person is not capable of being there in the way that you two can be a positive addition to one another’s lives, let it go. Life is too long to be walking around with stress.
4. If your gut is telling you that you are being used, listen. Learn to say no and pay attention to the reaction that you receive. If all the love and attention goes away then you know what the situation was about all along.
Friendship Tips:
If you never borrow anything, you never have to pay anything back. Don’t lean on your friends for your poor decision making. Emergency does not include mismanagement of your own funds.
When in doubt, talk it out. It’s never OK to just stew in anger when the subject is a person that you’re close to. Ask the hard questions, be ready for the answers and keep calm. Save the hooping and hollering for someone in the streets that you don’t care about. Be respectful of the time spent building the friendship/relationship prior to the misunderstanding.
Do what you can when you can. Nothing is worse than saying you will do something prematurely. Be mindful of your means, and be upfront, there’s nothing wrong with taking time to think before you answer. True friends will recognize that there is a difference between what you want to do and what you can do.
Know your role. Don’t take on more than the friendship requires. If you are asked to be a shoulder to cry on, be honest if you’re not capable of that, don’t turn into an avenger when nobody asked for one.
I love getting your emails marellewrites@gmail.com so keep them coming.
-LOVE