The Power of Shame

So there’s a story going around about a young lady that works in the adult entertainment industry that attends Duke University.

This has sparked a lot of heated discussions inside of some debate groups I’m a part of on Facebook. The overarching theme seems to be, “she chose this life, of course she’s a whore” or “what did she expect?” along with “don’t you dare call yourself a feminist”.

The problem is that she was involved in some films that included rough sexual encounters that were later marketed as “rape porn”.  She claims to not have any knowledge of how the films would be packaged which is believable in that most on-screen/ in front of the camera individuals sign releases and have no clue when or how their work will be used.

For example: I have a friend that did some random modelling gigs in her early 20s whose work I found on the cover of a best-selling book. When I reached out to congratulate her, she had no clue what I was talking about until I sent her the link.

So let’s get to the heart of the matter that the young woman who came out feels liberated and sees herself as a feminist, when so many have lined up to call her a whore. What is it that constitutes feminism? Is it not the advancement of women in a male dominated society? Does it not include the struggle for equal economic access and opportunities for advancement? Why then would the worlds oldest industry be excluded from the list of places that women can advance?

I’m confused in that the adult entertainment industry is a multi-billion dollar cash cow that extends much farther than pornographic films. There are business offices and executive positions attached to that industry just the same as oil and gas. Yet, some have decided that she’ll find herself destitute from the shame and stigma of having been involved. Even though she’ll most likely complete her college degree debt free, and will on paper be more financially/ fiscally responsible than her peers upon graduation. If she came out as a proponent of clean coal rather than a porn star, wouldn’t there still be some doors that opened and closed for her just the same?

The stigma attached to involvement in the industry sticks longer on the female employees/contractors. In my opinion the claims that she has not business calling herself a feminist are misplaced. The working conditions, rates of pay and accepted levels of risk are all a result of the shame pinned on the workers. If a person feels as though they have devalued themselves they are less willing to fight for better healthcare, rates of pay and respect in the workplace. Shame is a tool that’s been used in most capitalist systems to keep the price of labor to a minimum. By her not subscribing to the notion that she should cover her face everywhere she goes and pretend that she is not who she is disrupts the system. One of the goals of feminism, is to disrupt the status quo and equalize the female influence in a given situation. Shame is responsible for the marginalization of thousands of women within the past 50 yrs alone being shut out of billions of dollars in the adult entertainment industry. The few that have been able to capitalize have been the ones that not only embraced their involvement, but progressed to learn the business behind the camera.

I am by no means attaching some moral pass to the profession, or stating that it’s not realistic to believe that the young lady will have a hard time representing certain brands as an employee after this much exposure, but I am saying that there is room for her to grow to the executive level if she decides to utilize her degree inside of the industry that she’s already a part of, which has not been successfully dismantled by any movement.

I wrote this in hopes that it would inspire people to analyze a given situation prior to applying their default school of thought. Try not to judge a book, based on the reviews of others. (I had to update it to this generation as most of our books are digital 🙂 ) Those of us that do not agree with her life decisions don’t have any power to say what she may accomplish in life. (There’s a Mensa member (Life After Porn- available on Netflix) that has moved from an on-screen personality to an executive producer. )Those of us that wish to strip her of her self-appointed feminist status have no right to do so if we are not a part of the group of women that she’s seeking to liberate.

 

It’s been a while since I’ve written here, hopefully this was worth the wait. Let me know!

Learn to Enjoy the Journey

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There are so many people that want to skip the middle. They want to become the next Tyler Perry, but they want to skip the dedication that would drive you to sleeping in your car for what you’ve been called to do. They think that their past is enough of a reason for them to be in a season of breakthrough, RIGHT NOW. There is no such thing as one day it all just swept me away. There were points of preparation that people utilized properly that gave way and made room for a win. I remember my karate days, my father would make me get out of the house on a Saturday and ride my bike, or do some cardio to increase my endurance and his lecture would always contain “This is where you win the medal”. I’d like to say that I never forgot that lesson, but if you’ve been reading my blog for a while you can go back to around 2008 and see for yourself. Here’s what I’ve learned on my journey and I think that it may be helpful for someone.

So how do you find yourself in the middle of a downward spiral?

1. You get so enamored  with your self that you forget about being open to opportunities. There are people all over this world that know more than you. Even when you spent a lot of time and money on your education. If the only thing that people can get out of you is a chance to hear your pitch, nobody is interested in seeing you win…. they just stop caring. Listen a bit more than you talk and people will feed you the keys to your success…. if you let them.

2. You ride the high too long. You get a win and you stay happy about that small victory long past the expiration date. Wins sere as excellent platforms for new goals. Absolutely enjoy the moment, but the next moment should be spent determining the next destination on the road and finding out what it will take to get there. There are some people that have the Al Bundy syndrome (90s sitcom reference) and they relive that touchdown over and over rather than hitting the gym and building a career.

3. You give up too soon. Not everything that’s awesome is going to jump off immediately, most things that are awesome start off just a little lame, mostly because it’s not had time to be associated with the people that will love it the most. Don’t be so quick to fold just because you’re not an instant success.

4. Criticism kills you. You either get too defensive or you dismiss everything that isn’t someone falling all over you as people “hating”. Sometimes, there really is something wrong with what you’re doing, and sometimes there are people that can help you find a better way.

Find a balance, and keep your energy positive. This life is hard and scary but if you find a way to push through, you can do anything you come up with. Just stop glossing over the stuff in-between that matters.

Love